Following a recent “social gathering” I showed my friend Sue the bead spinner that I had made. I think I had a bit too much wine, or I was just dumb that night, but I don’t know if I made sense, so I am officially documenting the creation of my bead spinner for Sue, and everyone else who is curious

1. Accidentally break the hard plastic lid of a sample jar from the lab, rendering it useless for actual sample containment. Try to break the lid on a wide-mouth, fairly stubby jar. Take the useless jar home.

2. Take apart the dot matrix printer (circa 1980) that VJ kept for no conceivable reason. Retrieve metal rods from printer interior (note: a hammer and some re-directed bitter angst about something will be needed for this step).

3. Buy some “NuLustre 55″ resin from Rona, Deck Stain aisle. After writing to the company to point out how lame the product name is, read all safety precautions on the package.

4. Go back to Rona because you forgot to buy epoxy that will work on glass surfaces. Get sidetracked by the unfinished furniture aisle and buy a really cute bench for your front entrance. Try to explain to your husband why the glue you went to get cost $100 and needs to be assembled. Convince husband to assemble the bench, while you go back to your bead spinner.5. In a disposable container, mix 1-2 tablespoons of the resin in the NuLustre kit with 1-2 tablespoons of the hardener, also in the kit. The amount depends on your container size – you will want about an inch of resin in the bottom of the jar. You must have the EXACT same amount of each, so the “around that much” measurements you usually employ for cooking will not work. If you use measuring spoons or cups for this step, DON’T use those cups or spoons for food again, unless you don’t mind growing a mutant arm out of your neck. I know that sounds cool, but trust me, it isn’t.

6. Mix the resin and hardener VERY well with something you will not use for food in the future. A Popsicle stick – after you eat the Popsicle, of course – is perfect for this, and you get to eat a Popsicle too, so bonus!

7. Pour the resin mix into the bottom of the jar. Then stand the metal rod from the printer up in the jar and secure in position with tape. Then use more tape. Then, because it is still tipping to one side, use more tape. In fact, just use the whole roll. You’ll end up using it all anyways.

8. Allow the resin to dry over night with the stick in place. Remove the tape, crinkle it into a ball and throw on the floor behind you. If you happen to hit the cat with the ball of tape, you will be treated to a 15 minute show with the kitty running from room to room trying to dislodge the ball of tape that has attached itself to his fur and which he is convinced is evil. And if you really didn’t just “accidentally” hit the cat with the tape, but actually stuck it on him to see what he would do, you should be ashamed of yourself. I would never do something like that just for a little entertainment. Never. I swear. What??

9. Forget to properly test if the resin in the jar was fully dry and just dump some beads in. If they stick to the surface because you were inpatient about drying times, then you have to scrape all the beads off the sticky resin again.

10. Take a flat marble-thingy from one of the decorative plant pots. If you don’t have any, go to your mom’s and get some. They always have tons of those things. Don’t really know why yet. Some Mom-classified secret, I guess.

11. Affix the bead (flat side against the jar) to the bottom of the jar with epoxy. Make sure it is in the middle or your spinner will wobble, not spin. No one really needs a bead wobbler.

12. Pour beads into the spinner. Make a right angle bend in the wire you would like to put the beads on and place into the spinner with the “hook” facing to your right. Spin the spinner by the metal rod in a clockwise direction so the beads are traveling against the hook. Some will jump up onto the hook. You have to play with angles and stuff at this point, but you’ll get it, you’re bright.

13. Forget to kink the end of the wire so when you pull it out all the nice beads you just loaded onto the wire fall back off again all over the studio floor. Damn, those were delicas, too.

14, Now you have a completely homemade spinner you can use to make beautiful flowers like this one!