I just bought this great double-strong two-sided tape you can use to hang stuff on the wall named “No More Nails” and I thought Great, I hate nails. Too hard to work with and sometimes they get arrogant and really who needs mouthy hardware?

But then I thought about the name of the tape and thought that’s a pretty bald insult to the nail community as a whole. I mean how would I feel if a new occupation started calling themselves “No More Chemists?” I’d probably be pissed. Then I felt bad for nails being targeted like that and thought that maybe the tape could have come up with a less controversial, moe supportive name like, “Nails Are Great, But You Can Use Us Too,” but then I thought that’s a lame name for tape, though it isn’t that much worse than “No More Nails,” so maybe it might fly. Then I found out that even though this double sided tape replaces nails and you don’t have to put a hole in your wall, it rips off a giant strip of paint when you remove it, which pissed me off and so now I am feeling much more sympathetic to nails on the whole and their random persecution by this paint-peeling intruder. Screw you, No More Nails, I like my hardware just fine.

Anyone want a giant roll of double sided tape?