Death by Cashew…
:Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories has a post on their blog entitled “Cashews: The nut you can’t buy in a shell,” which is an interesting read on, of course, the reasons we cannot buy the yummy little buggers with their jackets still on. Check it out… very good for adding to your store of useless knowledge which will not help you at all unless the world currencies are all exchanged for NTN trivia points.
It got me thinking. About cashews. I really don’t think I’ve ever done that before. It IS the only nut not in a shell. As EMSL reports, this is because the shell is toxic. So, my question is… who was the first person to eat the inside of a cashew if the outside will kill you? Watch your friend fall down dead and think “but, maybe if I just ate the INSIDE…” That takes guts man.
Good Lord.
I made it all the way to work today before I noticed I had my shirt on inside out. Must be Wednesday.
Happy Mother’s Day
My friend and fellow Etsy seller Uli (Owner of Sparkles and Fuzz Etsy Store) recently shared her story of the wonderful recipe book prepared for Mother’s Day by the children and staff at her daycare. Each child dictated a favorite recipe and the instructions were recorded word-for-word and collected into a little recipe book. Here is the submission by her Daughter…
How to make Chocolate Chip Cookies
(as recorded and transcribed by her daycare teachers)
I think they sugar in them. Definitely chocolate chips, sometimes she puts Smarties in it. She uses butter. She puts brown sugar in the dough. She uses two eggs in it. She mixes them up with a mixing pan. She puts chocolate chips in it. She takes the bowl off the mixer, I’ll call it that cuz I don’t know what its name is. She puts them on a pan, then puts them in the oven. The balls of dough are this BIG. Then you flatten them up or all the smarties or chocolate chips will fall out or they will break apart. The temperature is really suppose to be 500 degrees, I thin, if my mom put them in the oven for 40 minutes they would like burn so I would think about 5 minutes. She lets them cool down then lets me taste them.
My Bag
Deficient though I may be in the area of terrorist elimination, I think I can give Jack Bauer a run for his money when it comes to useful but unusual shoulder-bag contents. Inspired by Jamie’s post about the mysterious contents of Jack Bauer’s bag, I decided to do a little inventory myself. I’m not making this up, I swear.
Journal
Three red pens (two functional)
Make Magazine current issue
7 hair elastics
15 Beaded flower petals
Water Bottle
Lunch (leftover chicken)
Brush
Oakville Transit Map (I don’t live in Oakville anymore)
A piece of paper with a reminder to order Microscope slides for Elena and My Dad’s Cell Phone number
7 metal cogs from a timer I took apart at work
Three glass bottles of czech seed beads
Wire cutters
Chain Nose Pliers
Nylon Jaw Pliers
26g wire, 200ft coil
Strawberry Lip Gloss
Cell phone (out of battery power since Saturday)
House keys
Lomography Camera (no film)
Cat Spring
A glass focal bead that I thought I had lost
Blush (Shade: Summer Glow)
Tylenol
Half of a Mississauga Transit Bus Ticket
iPod
A note from Adam
3 Sixth & Elm Business Cards
7 Maple Leaf Foods Business Cards
Can of Coke (warm)
No wonder it was so heavy.
Not Making as Much of an Impact as We’d Like
I wanted to show you the burnisher I use for dry embossing.
I just thought you’d get a kick out of the fact that the “Lasting Impression” is wearing off…
Sixth & Elm’s TBL Draft Your Friends Scouting Report
Okay, following my post about the TBL Draft Your Friends Challenge, here is my official scouting report, in no particular order. Oh, and please remember that I don’t actually know anything about baseball, so if I start making up positions and stuff, just let me go with it.
Adam Finley – Of course he has to be on my team. Who else will keep the locker room clean? I think Adam should be that guy in the batting order that gets stuff done. I forget if that is usually third, I think, or second? Whatever – he’s the guy you depend on because he does his job and does it well, no matter the stress. As for a field position, um… something where he can stay in the dugout, like a DH or something (do they still have those?) because he’ll be tired from floor hockey and then he can stay out of the sun and redesign his web page for the 80th time while watching 24 on his Mac.
Tia Tremblay – I think Tia should play some sort of outfield – the one that never gets hit to…. is that left, or right? Can’t remember. Not because she can’t play, she’s surprisingly agile with a glove, but because then she could sit on the grass and get some paperwork done. She’s always got paperwork, for some reason. Maybe she could do the team taxes then too.
Mom – Um…Mom needs a position where she can bring you all snacks and give you hugs. Is there a hugs and snacks guy on a baseball team? Well, we need one, and she’s good for that.
Dad – If you can get him out of the sound booth, he’d be good anywhere because even if he wasn’t good at a position, he’d make up for it in enthusiasm. He could be the guy all the pitchers walk on purpose because he’s the only guy who wouldn’t get pissed off about that.
Colin Wallace – Well, I guess the obvious choice would be the team Athletic Therapist, but I’m pretty sure you don’t get drafted for that position. I’ll make him a shortstop because I think from that position he could successfully play all the out- and in-field positions by himself, which we may need, looking at the roster so far.
Emily Wallace – Emily, you can be…. I need a position for Emily where she has a foot in every bucket. Halfway between successful business woman and immature lunatic. She’s the only girl I know who could spend an hour laughing her ass off making dumb crank calls and then go prepare a cheese platter for everyone. I’ll make her the third base coach. Still a coach and in charge, but she’s out there on the field with the players in the thick of it inning after inning.
Sarah Zadorsky – She definitely gets to be a coach. She’s got a lot of practice with her own baseball team of Thomas, Hannah and Lydia. And Bill. And Dakota. But she needs to be the kind of coach that can sit down during the game because I’ll bet she’s tired.
Chuki-the-Cat Chickenhead – Chuki can’t play outfield because he is afraid of grass. He can’t play infield because he is afraid of infielders. I guess he could be the batboy, but I am pretty sure he’s afraid of bats too.
Ollie-the-Cat – I think Ollie would be best as the guy who sells hot dogs. He’d be the most unsuccessful hot dog salesman in baseball history, but he’d sure be happy.
Okay, I have way more coaches and staff than players. That’s okay, I guess, so do most major league teams.
Marisa Reis – Oooo…she’s our secret weapon. A tiny little pixie with more punch than a heavyweight. She’s a Frisbee shark, so I expect her to be much the same on a baseball field. She can play the other outfield (the one Tia isn’t playing) because then she can do lots of running and catching (like she does in Frisbee) but she’ll also have lots of room to dance around to the songs they play on the breaks.
Kristin Lippold – She’s another surprise up our sleeves. Kristen’s modeling career may launch her onto the pages of vogue any minute now, but only if the photo shoot won’t interfere with floor hockey play-offs. The tough-hitting powerhouse should play center field. Her long legs will get her to the ball every time and she isn’t afraid of breaking a nail on a fly ball.
Adam Smith – I think Adam shouldn’t be assigned an official position. He’s the guy that is just there, wherever you need him to be. A very capable athlete whose versatile skills will allow him to fill any gap in our roster. And he’ll smile for the cameras and bring a 24 to the after-game.
Aiden Kennedy – Another one who is there where you need him and the only player on the team to actually have any baseball experience beyond little league. He’s obviously the pitcher, but don’t let him throw left handed.
Christine Kennedy – Wait, are you changing your name? I didn’t ask. Christine can play anything. Just point her in the right direction and she give it her all, chatting with your Mom the whole time. And her smiles are Sports Illustrated Cover material.
Brett Dunn – Well, beyond being the team supplier of cell phones and toothpaste, Brett can play third base. Not for any athletic reason, although I know he can handle it after the DA, but because you know he’ll giggle every time he hears about someone getting to third base.
Brandon Moonsawmy – No question, team publicist. I don’t care if teams don’t draft publicists, he’s ours. And he can play first base in his spare time (closer to the camera, so he can get some last minute plugs in).
Evan Frith – Evan can be the catcher. He seems to get stuff thrown at him at lot and he’ll have patience if the pitcher forgets the signals. Plus, he’s the most diplomatic, so it’s best he’s right beside the umpire to argue our case.
Carly Thorne – Carly can play any position she wants, she’s that good. And she can be our official opposition heckler because she can dish it out, but ONLY if it is deserved, so she will keep us grounded and well behaved.
Brian Dewagner – Um. Is there a position Bri couldn’t play? I’ll put him on second base because then he’ll be closer to Colin and I know they want to see more of each other. He’’ll also be our home run guy (I don’t think that’s an official title in baseball, but Brian’s not that into official anyways) because he will appreciate how it feels to knock one over the green monster for the sheer sentimentality of it, and not because it will boost his stats.
June Partridge – June’s gymnast days make her perfect for the mascot, but that would put her considerable athletic skills to waste. June will coach our official farm T-ball team. An excellent instructor with both sports and Campasaurus experience makes her perfect for shaping up the little buggers for us.
Chris Weavers & Sue McKay – They will get drafted together and they both get to be catchers, along with Evan. Then they can wear funny cages on their FACE!
Andrew Cooper – Cooper would appreciate a position where he gets to stay in the shade so he won’t sweat. He’s athletic and can play any position, he just has this thing with sweat. If he can’t be in the shade, then he needs an outfield position where he can have room to strip-down and air-dry if he gets sweaty. Or, are there any positions he can play from the toilet? Coop likes to multi-task while completing his, uh, private task.
Michelle O’Keefe – Mitch is a fibre artist so after she designs the fabric for the costumes (I mean uniforms) she also needs something outfield so she can weave sheets of field-grass cloth during the breaks. And she’s athletic enough for the running and jumping and stuff an outfielder does.
Okay, that’s all for now. If you are an up-and coming baseball player (or just someone I know) please submit your credentials, along with what position you play to the team PR agent (me) so that the team general manager (me) can confer with the head coach (me) and make a decision regarding an invitation to the spring training camp.
Team name is yet to be determined, so please submit your suggestions to the team’s creative director (yeah… me).
Haliburton Hook Line ‘n Sinkers Official Scouting Report
The guys at The Bleacher Life (well, okay, Brian at The Bleacher Life, but I like the plural references) have thrown down the gauntlet and opened the door for hypothetical sports leagues the world over. Not sure if there are that many hypothetical sports leagues in the world, but there is about to be at least one more.
Here’s the TBL Draft your friends challenge, in a nutshell:
1. Write down your friends.
2. Add some random acquaintances (the more eccentric, the better)
3. Analyse each for their baseball-like qualities and assign each an appropriate position on your own team.
4. Name your team and draft your friends!
This should be fun. Brian is an o-fish-al sports writer so his picks are all very logical and sound like real scouting reports. I haven’t had the attention span to watch a game since I was 9 and have no idea what everyone really does on a baseball team so mine will be considerably less ESPN-ish, but that’s okay. I don’t think we need credentials or a press pass for this draft. I’ll be posting my scouting report shortly, but in the meantime, check out Colin’s list. I have been scouted by the Haliburton Hook Line N’ Sinkers (pretty good considering I had to go look up how many players are in a batting line-up) and here was Colin’s official scouting report on me:
CHANTELLE FINLEY – Great with her hands, but grew up playing hockey and is used to that fast paced action and not the pace of a baseball game. An impatient hitter who has walked back to the dugout on a 2-0 count claiming she was bored that the pitcher hadn’t thrown anything in the strike zone yet. When the batting coach tried to explain the concept of a plate appearance to her she snapped. He is now just starting to chew his meals again. She may have temper issue, but like I said, she’s got good hands.
Hey, like I said to the press: that coach had it coming.
Dear Unit 52…
It has come to my attention that your recent attempt to steal our recycling bin was unsuccessful. I would like to offer the following tips so that your next blue box pilfering expedition might be more profitable. I do this because I feel if you are the kind of people who steal blue bins you probably aren’t good at anything else, and we all need a livelihood.
1. Don’t steal the box from the house directly across from or beside yours. It is more likely they will recognize it, take it back and throw dirty looks at you when ever you come out of the house.
2. If you live in Peel Region, and all the boxes on your street are from Peel Region and marked as such, don’t steal the recycling bin of the ONLY couple on the street to have lived previously and purchased their original box in neighboring Halton Region. This makes it pretty easy to identify the stolen box and take it back. And throw dirty looks at you when you come out of your house.
3. When painting over our name, don’t use water soluble acrylic paint. I think you have to realize that some day in the future, it is going to rain on garbage day. The same advice applies to painting your address on the stolen box. Again, rain and garbage day are two things that WILL, sometime in the future, occur together.
4. I was quite impressed by your look of stunned incredulity when you arrived home and found that someone had “stolen” your stolen recycle bin. Perhaps adding a few more confused glances up the street and turning in a couple of circles as you look will add even more to this performance. Keep practicing and soon you’ll have the whole block believing you were the rightful owner in the first place.I hope you take these suggestions to heart and look forward to writing about your further moronic actions in future blog posts.
Who IS Craig Anyways?
I have been looking for the last few days for a used sectional on Craigslist for the basement and I came across the following listing for a queen-sized bed:
“Gently used, four-year-old IKEA wood bed frame with mattress. Like new. Guaranteed to be in perfect working order.”
… “In perfect working order”…
Divining the Portents through Barley, Hops and Yeast
Adam’s beer can predict the future. And I don’t mean it makes him THINK he can predict the future, in the same way it makes him think he can dance. Apparently, the beer itself has the ability to predict, and even influence future events.
Or so he says. He came upon this startling revelation during Saturday night’s Leaf game against The Canadiens. During a routine perusal of the fridge contents he realized he had 13 bottles of Sleeman’s on the bottom shelf. He knew the game was about to start and that his beloved Leafs needed every ounce of superstitious luck that could be mustered.
He decided that having 13 beers was bad luck (don’t ask me to explain the logic behind this, I don’t know) so he had to drink it.Okay, so far, not too weird.The beer was finished and the empty bottle was placed on the coffee table. The leafs were doing well and Adam settled back, confident that he had done his part to ensure a Maple Leaf victory and a possible play-off slot.
Then he moved the beer off the coaster (not sure why) and that is where things went downhill. The Canadiens rallied back and then pulled ahead, to Adam’s horror. He was contemplating the cause of the turnaround when he realized that he had moved the empty beer bottle. He hastily restored it to its place on the coaster and held his breath, hoping the damage was not irreversible. It wasn’t. The Leafs came back, and eventually won the contest.
In Adam’s mind, this cemented the phenomenal capabilities of this mysterious 13th beer bottle. Since the Leafs were not in the play-offs yet (NY Islanders needed to lose the Sunday afternoon game to let the Leafs in) he absolutely forbade me to move the beer bottle for the rest of the regular season. So the bottle sat, like a trophy proclaiming future Leaf victory, on the coaster on the coffee table in the living room.
Unfortunately, it looks like the magic bottle had exhausted its powers to influence the Hockey Gods, for the Islanders won today against the NJ Devils, who were not playing to win this game as it had no bearing on their play-off future (or so Adam says, but I think a goal with 0.7 sec left, overtime AND a shootout shows evidence of a decent fight). Obviously, the Devils didn’t get the memo from corporate that Adam Finley’s happiness rested on them pounding the Islanders, and they dropped the ball, well puck, big time.
As for Adam, he still has faith in his bottle, even though he has finally allowed me to move it from the coaster. In his mind, the bottle CAN influence the universe, but it can only take it so far. I mean, after all, no one can make the Leafs play like the Senators.Yeah, I’m sleeping on the couch tonight for that comment.