A Cacopha……What?
Like all great ideas from the depths of Colin’s consciousness, this one was born of many, many, many glasses of beer and a conversation that was way too serious for the current blood alcohol saturation level. Back in October of last year a pact was entered into by Colin and Adam to embark on a great baseball quest (searching for….?) this season, and the first stage took place just over a week ago. Inexpertly titled “A Cacophony of Epiphanies,” the rules, as outlined by a fading Adam and Colin on that fateful October night, are outlined at the end of this post. And near incomprehensible.
The quest was officially started with a trip to The SkyDome on Retro Jersey night. 12 of our closest friends, a few questionable baby-blue retro jersey purchases, a two-day Rock Band marathon (with some actual guitar playing thrown in for fun) and a mini-keg for the 6 of us left at the end of the adventure sure made this crazy idea seem kinda logical as we all had a great weekend. More pictures can be seen here, and here (the second set is Adam’s).
The Official Rules are listed after the jump, for anyone interested.
Take Me Out to the Ballgame…
A fun Sunday. Adam, Colin, Emily and I went to the Sky-dome (I refuse to call it the Roger’s Center) for the first time in a long time. We got to see the Jays Sweep the Red Sox (but I secretly kind of like the Red Sox) and watch Frank Thomas pull off a pretty nice Grand Slam Home-run.
We thought going to the Sunday game would be better since Friday was Colin’s Athletic Therapy Banquet and there may have been some hang-overs on Saturday. But then we proceeded to have a jam session on Saturday night which led to wine and 4 cases of beer, so Sunday was a bit rough anyway, as Emily demonstrates on the train home. More pictures here.
Sixth & Elm’s TBL Draft Your Friends Scouting Report
Okay, following my post about the TBL Draft Your Friends Challenge, here is my official scouting report, in no particular order. Oh, and please remember that I don’t actually know anything about baseball, so if I start making up positions and stuff, just let me go with it.
Adam Finley – Of course he has to be on my team. Who else will keep the locker room clean? I think Adam should be that guy in the batting order that gets stuff done. I forget if that is usually third, I think, or second? Whatever – he’s the guy you depend on because he does his job and does it well, no matter the stress. As for a field position, um… something where he can stay in the dugout, like a DH or something (do they still have those?) because he’ll be tired from floor hockey and then he can stay out of the sun and redesign his web page for the 80th time while watching 24 on his Mac.
Tia Tremblay – I think Tia should play some sort of outfield – the one that never gets hit to…. is that left, or right? Can’t remember. Not because she can’t play, she’s surprisingly agile with a glove, but because then she could sit on the grass and get some paperwork done. She’s always got paperwork, for some reason. Maybe she could do the team taxes then too.
Mom – Um…Mom needs a position where she can bring you all snacks and give you hugs. Is there a hugs and snacks guy on a baseball team? Well, we need one, and she’s good for that.
Dad – If you can get him out of the sound booth, he’d be good anywhere because even if he wasn’t good at a position, he’d make up for it in enthusiasm. He could be the guy all the pitchers walk on purpose because he’s the only guy who wouldn’t get pissed off about that.
Colin Wallace – Well, I guess the obvious choice would be the team Athletic Therapist, but I’m pretty sure you don’t get drafted for that position. I’ll make him a shortstop because I think from that position he could successfully play all the out- and in-field positions by himself, which we may need, looking at the roster so far.
Emily Wallace – Emily, you can be…. I need a position for Emily where she has a foot in every bucket. Halfway between successful business woman and immature lunatic. She’s the only girl I know who could spend an hour laughing her ass off making dumb crank calls and then go prepare a cheese platter for everyone. I’ll make her the third base coach. Still a coach and in charge, but she’s out there on the field with the players in the thick of it inning after inning.
Sarah Zadorsky – She definitely gets to be a coach. She’s got a lot of practice with her own baseball team of Thomas, Hannah and Lydia. And Bill. And Dakota. But she needs to be the kind of coach that can sit down during the game because I’ll bet she’s tired.
Chuki-the-Cat Chickenhead – Chuki can’t play outfield because he is afraid of grass. He can’t play infield because he is afraid of infielders. I guess he could be the batboy, but I am pretty sure he’s afraid of bats too.
Ollie-the-Cat – I think Ollie would be best as the guy who sells hot dogs. He’d be the most unsuccessful hot dog salesman in baseball history, but he’d sure be happy.
Okay, I have way more coaches and staff than players. That’s okay, I guess, so do most major league teams.
Marisa Reis – Oooo…she’s our secret weapon. A tiny little pixie with more punch than a heavyweight. She’s a Frisbee shark, so I expect her to be much the same on a baseball field. She can play the other outfield (the one Tia isn’t playing) because then she can do lots of running and catching (like she does in Frisbee) but she’ll also have lots of room to dance around to the songs they play on the breaks.
Kristin Lippold – She’s another surprise up our sleeves. Kristen’s modeling career may launch her onto the pages of vogue any minute now, but only if the photo shoot won’t interfere with floor hockey play-offs. The tough-hitting powerhouse should play center field. Her long legs will get her to the ball every time and she isn’t afraid of breaking a nail on a fly ball.
Adam Smith – I think Adam shouldn’t be assigned an official position. He’s the guy that is just there, wherever you need him to be. A very capable athlete whose versatile skills will allow him to fill any gap in our roster. And he’ll smile for the cameras and bring a 24 to the after-game.
Aiden Kennedy – Another one who is there where you need him and the only player on the team to actually have any baseball experience beyond little league. He’s obviously the pitcher, but don’t let him throw left handed.
Christine Kennedy – Wait, are you changing your name? I didn’t ask. Christine can play anything. Just point her in the right direction and she give it her all, chatting with your Mom the whole time. And her smiles are Sports Illustrated Cover material.
Brett Dunn – Well, beyond being the team supplier of cell phones and toothpaste, Brett can play third base. Not for any athletic reason, although I know he can handle it after the DA, but because you know he’ll giggle every time he hears about someone getting to third base.
Brandon Moonsawmy – No question, team publicist. I don’t care if teams don’t draft publicists, he’s ours. And he can play first base in his spare time (closer to the camera, so he can get some last minute plugs in).
Evan Frith – Evan can be the catcher. He seems to get stuff thrown at him at lot and he’ll have patience if the pitcher forgets the signals. Plus, he’s the most diplomatic, so it’s best he’s right beside the umpire to argue our case.
Carly Thorne – Carly can play any position she wants, she’s that good. And she can be our official opposition heckler because she can dish it out, but ONLY if it is deserved, so she will keep us grounded and well behaved.
Brian Dewagner – Um. Is there a position Bri couldn’t play? I’ll put him on second base because then he’ll be closer to Colin and I know they want to see more of each other. He’’ll also be our home run guy (I don’t think that’s an official title in baseball, but Brian’s not that into official anyways) because he will appreciate how it feels to knock one over the green monster for the sheer sentimentality of it, and not because it will boost his stats.
June Partridge – June’s gymnast days make her perfect for the mascot, but that would put her considerable athletic skills to waste. June will coach our official farm T-ball team. An excellent instructor with both sports and Campasaurus experience makes her perfect for shaping up the little buggers for us.
Chris Weavers & Sue McKay – They will get drafted together and they both get to be catchers, along with Evan. Then they can wear funny cages on their FACE!
Andrew Cooper – Cooper would appreciate a position where he gets to stay in the shade so he won’t sweat. He’s athletic and can play any position, he just has this thing with sweat. If he can’t be in the shade, then he needs an outfield position where he can have room to strip-down and air-dry if he gets sweaty. Or, are there any positions he can play from the toilet? Coop likes to multi-task while completing his, uh, private task.
Michelle O’Keefe – Mitch is a fibre artist so after she designs the fabric for the costumes (I mean uniforms) she also needs something outfield so she can weave sheets of field-grass cloth during the breaks. And she’s athletic enough for the running and jumping and stuff an outfielder does.
Okay, that’s all for now. If you are an up-and coming baseball player (or just someone I know) please submit your credentials, along with what position you play to the team PR agent (me) so that the team general manager (me) can confer with the head coach (me) and make a decision regarding an invitation to the spring training camp.
Team name is yet to be determined, so please submit your suggestions to the team’s creative director (yeah… me).
Haliburton Hook Line ‘n Sinkers Official Scouting Report
The guys at The Bleacher Life (well, okay, Brian at The Bleacher Life, but I like the plural references) have thrown down the gauntlet and opened the door for hypothetical sports leagues the world over. Not sure if there are that many hypothetical sports leagues in the world, but there is about to be at least one more.
Here’s the TBL Draft your friends challenge, in a nutshell:
1. Write down your friends.
2. Add some random acquaintances (the more eccentric, the better)
3. Analyse each for their baseball-like qualities and assign each an appropriate position on your own team.
4. Name your team and draft your friends!
This should be fun. Brian is an o-fish-al sports writer so his picks are all very logical and sound like real scouting reports. I haven’t had the attention span to watch a game since I was 9 and have no idea what everyone really does on a baseball team so mine will be considerably less ESPN-ish, but that’s okay. I don’t think we need credentials or a press pass for this draft. I’ll be posting my scouting report shortly, but in the meantime, check out Colin’s list. I have been scouted by the Haliburton Hook Line N’ Sinkers (pretty good considering I had to go look up how many players are in a batting line-up) and here was Colin’s official scouting report on me:
CHANTELLE FINLEY – Great with her hands, but grew up playing hockey and is used to that fast paced action and not the pace of a baseball game. An impatient hitter who has walked back to the dugout on a 2-0 count claiming she was bored that the pitcher hadn’t thrown anything in the strike zone yet. When the batting coach tried to explain the concept of a plate appearance to her she snapped. He is now just starting to chew his meals again. She may have temper issue, but like I said, she’s got good hands.
Hey, like I said to the press: that coach had it coming.